I want, I want to up to a world of dreams I have ...
But I do not know 'cos I always have to be paranoid when I go on the internet .. I mean, I have a good life after all: I have a family who cares for me, a fantastic boyfriend, friends, for which the rule applies to "a few but good ", my college career is smooth without a hitch ... Objectively I could come and say "what the hell are you complaining about? you have EVERYTHING! "
yet not enough for me.
I go on FB, or even just to see the post, and I find all the phrases that people change on Msn, and more or less consciously try if two names appear or not clearly defined, FB are always careful to see if have no public comment or link, and when I see one of two people do it, we still hurt. Yet much. Although maybe write crap and even ungrammatical. Want an example, fresh fresh?
[link posted by a contact at random] * who does not forgive is weak, only the strongest *
[comment from one of two well-defined names] I think it's an IDIOT!
[random friend] who?
[certain individual] reported the link
[random friend] ah say who forgives is a jerk? Well you know what to forgive depends .. do not you think?
[certain individual] Mah. honestly do not know .. I have now learned to see her so
[random friend] sin ...
[certain individual] Yeah ... is perhaps a pity, That I do not know.
[random friend] you will see
I feel deeply called into question, knowing the person and the precise mechanisms that have perverted and twisted away then our lives ...
I am summoned, and I feel dejected. Because I think it's important to forgive but never forget. The fool who has forgotten, who pretends not to notice, but not the one who forgives. Why is not at all easy to do ... Especially when there's half a love, or a murky mix of love and friendship more or less true ... And who can forgive in this situation is by no means a fool, but a real gentleman.
I do not know what to do. Even now, at a distance of weeks, months, years, I'm still sick. I still feel like it, if the day begins badly, sealed inside the covers and cry all day, as I did for months and months.
But it seems to be just me bad to stay there, or there was seriously hurt. I do not know. I see these people, and are always smiling, rather they are always in the spotlight, to a casino, to make jokes. Then maybe they will be in suffering more than me ... but I did not do this under a facade of perfect detachment, calm, unflappable and, when inside I'm so bad. Now the reader may also speak of my insane passion for the victim .... but I'm just like, if I'm wrong I speak, I communicate my pain, hoping that by sharing this I will (among other thing never happens, but I can not stop trying ..). So if you read to accuse me of self-pity can also close the page and go somewhere else ...
said ... boh, I end today I'm fine, I certainly have a lot more from my days, but are also fine in their modest and all in all pretty simple. This morning I went for a ride to a mall to see for a hypothetical Netbook, accompanied by my boyfriend, always together and we went for a visit from my grandparents. And today I should be studying (what for which they charge rather mysteriously).
So I get home, turn on the PC and open internet. My default pages that are always open your mail, Fb, LJ, and mail university. Well I just block the mail. There is an invitation to an upcoming birthday of a friend of mine. From here all set. If not me and my boyfriend are the last, the short list of invitees. Even after some people who deeply despise, and why, if only for a matter of visual harmony, we should have become the first ... It makes me inca ** are, because if I finish last in the list of a birthday that does not mean that I take into account practically. I accept the fact already they call me not because I care about my presence regardless of any other bond, but they call me more often because they are the girlfriend of one of their closest friend, and inevitably, because they know who they are, call me also relegated to a "+ Ele" after the name of my boyfriend ... but here is this is a bad combination, "Ele +" at the end of the list. Because then I'm the last one. All right that this person has always played a little 'dirty, never assume the parties or of anyone receiving both in terms of how it suited him, but without never be evil, just a bandieruola here ... But this is yet another thing that bothers me ..
And I do not know what to go and for these reasons, because I have no idea where you have time to get up to go to Milan the next day ... and it is early then I will have a good excuse for not going.
Well after this nice mail, I go in the other windows and I find links like the one mentioned above, one of which directly involved two or three people who do not ever take away from my personal blacklist ... Or simply nostalgic for other indications, regarding the true friendships, the eternal, sincere ones, or those false, or loves litigarelli lasting until the end (what you do not know), or how many things have changed since last year ... I think that few things have changed since last year. M *** Why do people remain in those remote ages well, and as long as you have those two friends in common, unfortunately, it happens all too tenertele flow of words ... but never just a slap, because I think there is really need to give a couple of slaps to certain people.
And I am here, on the verge of crying (hysterical that may have to wait), hoping to distract myself with the study (hahaha do not believe it myself) ...
And I wonder if the money Netbook or clothing that I buy every week would be better spent, perhaps not in the hands of an analyst ...
And I hear "I will" of Liga and I start to cry.
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