alive privacy boring afternoon
's been four days of beautiful concert of 30 Seconds to Mars in Milan and the euphoria that I had in my body is gone soon ...
are two days in a row that I do nothing but listen to Carpark North, one of two support groups that were on Monday night (just because the material of the other group, the Street Drum Corps has disappeared), and more I listen to them most are caught by a strange feeling ... Why all the lyrics are sad and sweet, really sweet, pucciosità the face of the singer.
Especially the last album's songs are beautiful. Perhaps because they have almost all sung at the concert. Perhaps because they are of that sweetness I need.
Especially after the clash on Wednesday.
I found with him to give him the stuff. I'm not saying neither "give him" or "his" because I think they lost that value. Had. Now I have not myself. Did he, in his attic, which in two years together I have never seen, as even the inside of the entrance of his house. But it is another matter. Did I
The point is that Date won again. Because he got what he wanted, or that stuff, and make me feel bad, make me feel a m *** a, after having reproached offense and things that should not have. Why do certain mistakes it takes two. And we have two decades, we must stop chasing people who have been the first to fail. Now at this point does not matter anymore. But when I am I'm trying to forget, to pretend nothing has happened for the sake of peaceful coexistence, I am branded as one that tramples on others' suffering, the one that deliberately forgets everything, but if everyone else is I, fool that I can not go on, that I still have not passed anything. I do not understand why. Do not understand it.
We were an hour in the parking lot of his school, reproaching things, to attack, to scrambling for a speech that I did not even understand what I meant.
I just realized that all of my old group of friends hate me for one reason or another, on Sunday to the birthday I behaved badly in not having a word with anybody, and not to be eaten (please explain why I do living when I have my ex and my ex-best friend in front of the table, they lose interest very early for me, why must I be the one to attack first piece? They We have tried? NO. and then if I tried to eat foul-mouthed, I had my nerves on edge, and already the two sticks that I had just chewed me out ... let alone were returning dumpling tigelle ...), and then I can not complain to him of the behavior really decent little he and she have (lemon blatantly in front of me, go to the bathroom together, hand in hand, her pacifier evident on the neck, which of course I could not face having to note ... ok, I have no right to impose anyone else how to behave, but I just pointed out that all these things are signs of great class and very little bad taste .. but no, if I say it appeared as the jealous ex who will not tolerate childish that the former has a happy life), I also realized that even I do not have values, I never recognized my mistakes, which he said while he did it, is a saint and so now it's untouchable, and I have to stop using facebook as a manifesto of complaints to my contacts (friends now because they are not from the piece), stop complaining about them, and use provocative link (when in fact ironic because I find them right audience overlap with my life, nothing more ... If people feel provoked, I mean ... there must be a reason no ?)...
I, I do not have values .... told by someone who wanted a relationship with me just by Fuck me, one who went with me but with another at the same time, both with good ceremony. I. Without values. I, who have repeatedly tried to end it, because after losing it for errors of both, I was no longer willing to live without him. I, who even now, every day, I think of him, and how things could have been done differently, if only we had more time to think, calmer, or just more sense. I
without values. I do not think at all. And that he really is a terrible insult.
him, after making me wait a half-hour begins with a "Sorry I wanted to apologize for the delay ... hours because I am a person on time. "said with the smile of someone who wants to highlight that it is now better than before with me was a m *** e has now transformed into the flower born of the m *** a. He, who in every sentence conceals contempt, superiority, and his desire to see me beg for his return. Because this is what I saw in his eyes. Contempt and superiority. What I have always seen in her eyes, every moment of our history. And it is this look that still haunts me at night now, and prevents me from achieving happiness and serenity that I rightfully, after what I experienced.
What then, if now he was reading these things, in addition to giving me a liar, I would say also that once again the victim. But because the victim? Simply because when something does not go as I wish I complain? Why not have filters, and when I'm happy and I smile when I'm sad I cry without being ashamed of who I have before?
I was not born with a wax mask. I've never been able to tell lies. Do you know anyone who has had anything to do with me. While he has always been a face of bronze. So much so that I have come to agree with him that "I had never known really. " Why escaped my understanding then, when we felt all day, every hour of the day. Imagine now, now that I'm two years that we live separately, we have different experiences, bitterness, suffering, and even love unspoken.
Because I know that part of me still thinks his heart. Why I believe in a story as it was still so we should be. Because for me it is indeed the case. His thinking, his presence, I was never completely abandoned.
And I think it's the same with him. Otherwise I would hate not his girlfriend so much, well now that we gave all we had, for the sake of a civil relationship when one sees the birthdays. She still hates me because he still carries within himself. But do not admit it to anyone. Not even himself. Otherwise I would not have dogged me so much with the other afternoon. Would not have said those things, used those words, I would have seen through those eyes, masking his speech distorted under advice from his personal conception of things.
Or maybe I just can not conceive of the fact that he is gone forever.
Because what I'm missing him, even now what I love in a corner of my heart, now is died a long time. What I saw yesterday was his first inca ** ato, his angry side, that side of himself that led me to distance myself from him I first (and rightly seen some episodes that were hits) ... What I had before was a different guy, a stranger.
I have given a stranger the last memories we had. Did I won the date for the umpteenth time. And I also feel hurt, betrayed, and stabbed. This is not a victim, I want to clarify. This is suffering. It's sad. It is disappointing.
because he believed that part of what I loved Victor still existed. But it is not
so.
And now I just have to pick up the pieces, without cutting too much, and paste it again, waiting for another break.
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